You might know that houses, cars, and boats are often referred to as ‘she’. And while lots of people name their treasured trucks and sports cars, naming a boat is different. For someone to know your car’s name, they’d have to ask you. But with boats, the name is boldly painted on the side or back for all to see. Let’s check out some of the best boat names we’ve spotted.
best boat names
1. Knot 2 Bad
Owning a boat involves all sorts of rope work. If your boat has a sail, you’ll need to securely tie all the rigging. And even chain anchors need ropes to secure some of its sections. Plus, all boats need to be tied to the pier. So Knot 2 Bad is delightfully punny. The name is painted on the back of the boat in a cursive rope font. Another option for this boat name – Why Knot?
2. Chicken Ship
Back in prep school, cursing could cause you serious problems with the principal. So kids tried workarounds like ‘shi … eets and blankets!’ or ‘mother father!’ If you were raised like that but you still want to express your irreverence, name your boat something like Chicken Ship. Or Bullship. Or Ship for Brains. Or even Ship Happens. They won’t hear the difference!
3. Full of Seamen
You’ve heard the joke, right? It’s usually spoken rather than written – which allows the pun to slip in. It goes, ‘what’s hard and wet and full of seamen?’ The answer is a submarine, though that’s not what you were thinking *wink*wink*nudge* nudge*. But both the literal and figurative meaning of the phrase make this boat name. Option Two? Wasted Seamen!
4. Horny Hooker
This boat name feels a little risqué, but it’s just as punny as the best of them. Think of it this way – what do you use to catch fish? Whether you’re angling, harpooning, or fly fishing, some type of hook is involved. You might even have a grappling hook anchor (aka grapnel). So the hook part makes sense. You could also go with Master Baiter or Sofa King Nauti.
5. Bad to the Bow
You may have heard the phrase ‘bad to the bone’. Or maybe you know it as lyrics to a song by George Thorogood & the Destroyers. Or Nafe Smallz. Or maybe even Brick ‘n Lace. So if you’re a fan of any of these artistes, you might sneak in a pun and name your boat Bad to the Bow. It’s even funnier if you paint it on the transom, implying it’s bad from bow to stern.
After years in AA, and if you have a particular sense of humour, you may claim to be addicted to water. It’s a great way to break the ice when some hottie at the bar or party offers to buy you a drink. Especially since you don’t want to kill the mood with heavy topics like substance abuse. But if the water you’re addicted to is in the ocean or lake, Aquaholic is a cool name.
7. The Codfather
The Godfather is a famous book trilogy by Mario Puzo, translated into film by Francis Ford Coppola. So if you have a thing for old gangsters or traceable roots in Sicily, The Codfather is a beautiful boat name. Extra points if your prey of choice is cod. And if your logo has a cigar-toting fish with a bowler hat and AK! If you’re more conservative, how about The Rodfather?
8. Stiff Ripples
Some guys love their cars (and boats) more than they love their women. And because sailing can take hours or even days, it makes sense their significant others may get jealous. That said, the splashing waves, foaming surf, and powerful motors lend themselves to naughty names full of puns and innuendo. Stiff Ripples is one such name as it ripples rough waters.
9. Ctrl + Alt + Delete
Some sailors come from a long line of seafarers. Lobster fishing might be the family business. Or maybe all the men in your clan have done their time in the navy. But what if you’re a tech bro or software engineer and you’re bored with sports cars and speed bikes so now you want a boat? Reboot that burnout with Ctrl + Alt + Delete. Or maybe Error 404 – No Fish Found!
10. Side Piece
This name may not seem very flattering. But many sailor’s wives know how deep the competition is. The wife or girlfriend often wonders whether he loves her as much as he loves the boat. And this can also happen with female seafarers, regardless of their status in the LGBTI+. So it makes sense that your boat would be your Side Piece. Or maybe The Mistress.
11. She’ll Get Over It
Boats aren’t cheap – get your partner’s buy-in first. But if you do slip it past her, you might get cocky. Pray she has a sense of humour though, or you’ll lose the boat in the divorce. It may be all you have left when she’s done! Then you’ll have rename it She Got The House. Or Empty Pockets! Or No Mas Dinero!! Or Future Poor Person. Maybe some Tax Sea-Vation?
12. Forced Family Fun
You know how some families get a minivan or a camper so they can spend more time together? Among clans with deeper pockets, you’re more likely to see a pontoon or luxury yacht for that healthy dose of Forced Family Fun. Some advice? That boat better have good WiFi and space for their friends. Otherwise, your teens will have less than 3Fs to give you…
13. Camel Toe
Humour is relative, so what could send one person into giggle fits could have another person calling their lawyer. But wherever you are on the spectrum, you’re familiar with camel toe. And because sailing often involves tight, wet clothing, you may see more on the boat than you’d prefer. Of course of you’re especially randy, the name works. Or maybe Nauti Buoy?
14. The Salty Swallow
The best boat names are smart and smirky. But it’s even better when it’s a deep pun or an inside joke. Something like The Salty Swallow. It seems fairly straight-forward. Swallows are popular in sailing lore, particularly in superstition and tattoos. And many seas and oceans are salty. But … sailors often indulge in … other salty things that they would like swallowed …
15. Send Help!
One of the funniest and best boat names we’ve spotted is Send Help, which was written upside down on a rescue dinghy. Maybe it’s easier for drowning victims to read the name that way. It may give them a laugh when they’re upset about capsizing. They’ll chuckle and wonder who needs help – you or them! Another variant? Uh-oh!! (also spelt upside down.)
Fishing pontoons have a shallow draft. They ride high in the water and are rarely submerged below 10 inches. This makes them ideal for inland fishing in skinny water and tight channels. So if your pontoon boat is mainly for pleasure fishing, Toon ‘a Fish is a great name that plays on tuna and pontoon. These boats typically have fewer seats to leave space for fishing gear.
17. Cirrhosis of the River
At the other extreme, some of us like to laze on the river with a six pack and a fishing pole. A good name for a boat like that is Cirrhosis of the River (as word play on liver). Or Amy’s Wine House. Another good option is Hook, Line, and Drinker, which emphasises the fuel-guzzling capacity of your speed boat and doesn’t curse it with the potential of capsizing.
Race politics are real. And they can get ugly. Especially when a non-black person is singing along to rap lyrics and they get to a certain phrase that they’re not allowed to say. Whether you’re a black sailor with a keen sense of humour or a person of pallor that wants to show solidarity without causing offense, Fishizzle is a clever name. But Go Fish is more kosher.
19. Tug Life
If you’re on the wrong side of the spectrum, you might be accused of appropriation if you name your boat Tug Life. It’s perfect for a tug boat, but that play on thug life could get you in trouble. You might settle for a less controversial name that keeps you under the radar. Try Low Maintenance for a dirt cheap purchase. Or Bow Movement for digestive (tract) doctors.
These days, lots of internet ‘experts’ are advising people to walk in the woods, touch grass, visit (grand)parents in the countryside as a quick non-pharmaceutical cure for mental health ailments. And while these tactics can be helpful, sometimes you just need your meds. But if your space of zen is on the water, your boat is one of the best forms of Xanax you can find.
21. Boobie Bouncer
This (former) frat boy boat probably has a problem with PC. That said, lots of girls wear bikinis when they’re sailing. With all that rolling and bumping on the waves, the … assets of your boat guests get tossed around. But they’re willingly on your boat, so they likely don’t mind. Some alternatives to Boobie Bouncer? 36 Seas. Or Fish & Chicks. Or even Sex Sea.
Speaking of sanctioned drugs, the extreme happiness of ecstasy is something we all seek – whether or not those heights of pleasure are sensual. On the other hand, Molly (aka MDMA or E) has some tricky side effects. So if you’re cheeky and your momma would never approve, you could get around her critique by spelling it Eggs-ta-Sea! Or you could go with IV Play!
Suppose you have a boat with four motors. For a guy, that’s easily a fourgasm, though his girl may disagree given the speed he’ll be playing with. Or – given all those roving engines – call the boat Unsinkable II and have everyone wonder what happened to the first one! #Titanic! Some owners might prefer a louder name like Big Dick or White Dick, but subtlety is nicer.
24. Da Boat
Have you heard the one about the dude whose sister was in labour? He was waiting to see if he would be an uncle or an aunt. It ended up being twins and the guy was asked to name his new niblings. He named then DeNisse … and DeNefyu. The person who named this Da Boat is probably one of their relatives, and all of them are a blessing to this boat-naming world!
25. Poop Deck
You’ve probably heard of old sailors swabbing the poop deck. And unless you’re a sailing pro, chances are you assumed it was some sort of toilet duty for the boating intern. But the poop deck is just a fancy name for the stern. It comes from la pouple in French, or puppis in Latin. Another version of this boat name is Skid Marks – you can’t say either one without smirking.
26. Called in Sick
We’ve all taken a sick day (or maybe a personal day) so we could sneak out of the office and do something more fun. So if you live in a beach town or rent a waterfront property, that sun and surf can be incredibly tempting. And if you see this boat on the water, you can’t help smiling because they probably did call in sick. Hopefully their boss isn’t an avid sailor too!
27. Here Lil Fishy!
Can fish read? If they could, they’d probably stay far away from this vessel! But if you paint the boat name in neon tones and decorate it with shiny luminescent baubles that hang off he stern, it’s likely the fishies will come! Of course you might attract other sea creatures that can read, so you’d better have some big fishies to feed them with. Or books to barter with them.
Florida is full of seniors, and some of them do lose it eventually. But even if they don’t buy a condo in the keys, lots of people get into sailing when they retire from their day jobs. And for younger buyers without a pension lump sum, speeding thousands of dollars on a boat can seem pretty senile … or … Sea-Nile? It’s a great name, and the S can be rope, snake, or chain.
29. Who Cares?
Humans are interesting. We have things like no-make-up-make-up (a ‘natural’ look that takes ages and leaves you looking like your face is bare). And we’ve all had that casual date where we spent hours trying to achieve that ‘no-effort-just-grabbed-a-jacket’ look. How do achieve that in the boating world? Name the boat Who Cares and pretend it doesn’t matter.
30. Florence Christy Bridget
They say you should never tattoo your lover’s name on your body because people break up and cover-ups are painfully expensive! Boats are safer – you can paint them over! So if you want to pay homage to the girl you love, you can name your boat after her. But if you want to get away from all those girls (or the eventual apocalypse), how about Zombies Can’t Swim?
31. A Salt Weapon
Get it? (If not, it’s money laundering, assault, and battery ;-)) And the same punny sense applies to this next boat name, A Salt Weapon. It makes sense because the battles the saline seas every time she sails. But you should be sure your boat is built to handle saltwater conditions. Otherwise your salty weapon will have all sorts of corrosion and salt abrasion.
What are the best boat names you’ve come across? Tell us (or show us) in the comments!